stupid

I started this blog a couple of months ago to see if I liked blogging and was good at it and because everyone else was doing it. Then it became about communicating with someone whom I could not like secret messages. Both were a dumb idea. I don't need anything else more to do or to clutter my brain with on all fronts. I need simplicity. So bye for now or maybe forever. I don't need you. Good luck to you all. And by the way the pup is great. He is the best little man in the world

sad

I am sooo sad

a thought

One of the best attributes in life is to see things for what they are, to see people for who they are and to realize the difference.

dorky poem to try to comprehend

life is weird

i have no scope

i always like to make puns about the pope

i think things crazy

my mind is a lazy susan

it matches with the fact that my body is always cruisin

i have too many thoughts and doubts

that drive me up the wall

i have trouble relaxin...cause of the fear i might fall...

out of favor of the people that i love

i want life and love to move forward

the problem is it doesn't work when i shove

some say i'm lucky i have the best of choices

one or the other there is no losing

but i don't feel lucky

and its been leading me to boozing

this poem is stupid and i am sure its because

my emotions are stuck in a pile of fear and lethargy

i wish life was fun..i wish it was a party

but its not

i'm a grown up

life is hard

even when your lucky

i guess just breathe

and lets things happen as they may

but sitting there and waiting is not always the way

i usually push and shove and bully around

but this time i think i am at a loss

i just sit here and wait and know it will all be lost

addendum to last post

Blogs are hipsterish. Need I say more. One step closer.

Also on another note I hate winter coats.

one step closer to hipster

Ok guys I'm embarassed to say this but I am becoming a brooklyn hipster. I don't want to but I am. See if you can relate folks. I have a tattoo and I'm buying a fixed gear bike. Ugh! I don't know how this came to pass. And all of this happened after I moved to brooklyn. I thought I could avoid this by not moving to williamsburg. But no.

Signs your verging on hipsterness:
1. Tattoo
2. Fixed gear bike
3. Going out for your coffee even though you can't afford it
4. Mullet or ironic mustache, beard and or chops
5. Going back to 80s clothes even though you hated them in the 80s
6. Vinyl
7. Having a dj name
8. Possible look of doing herion without actually doing herion

there are zombies living among us

Did you ever notice that on saturdays around one or two in the afternoon there are many people in the slope walking around like zombies? The common signs are:

Blank stare often looking straight ahead not making eye contact
The normal hipster garb is shed for casual attire in order to blend in with regular folk
Lack of dog. I think they would eat their eager servant so they leave the critter at home
Stiff walk.. They are the undead so I'm sure arthritis and rigamoris is a huge problem

Beware! These folks are among us often found at bodegas and bagel houses and the local coffee grind. They smell of booze and stale cigarettes so be on the lookout!

Dog destruction count: 1 measuring cup. Partially masticated
Frisbee partially eaten accidentally left on low table. To his defense it is his
Flowers a couple of blooms on aforementioned low table

there are zombies living among us

Did you ever notice that on saturdays around one or two in the afternoon there are many people in the slope walking around like zombies? The common signs are:

Blank stare often looking straight ahead not making eye contact
The normal hipster garb is shed for casual attire in order to blend in with regular folk
Lack of dog. I think they would eat their eager servant so they leave the critter at home
Stiff walk.. They are the undead so I'm sure arthritis and rigamoris is a huge problem

Beware! These folks are among us often found at bodegas and bagel houses and the local coffee grind. They smell of booze and stale cigarettes so be on the lookout!

Dog destruction count: 1 measuring cup. Partially masticated
Frisbee partially eaten accidentally left on low table. To his defense it is his
Flowers a couple of blooms on aforementioned low table

soilen green is made of douche bags

People are frustrating. An old wise bitch once told me don't depend or expect anything from people and they won't disappoint you. Well I should have listened. I guess hindsight is just fucking infuriating cause the only good vision is out your ass!

channeling Dave Chappell

Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiched remind me of the beach and vice versa. Even the smell of he sand makes me just want a PB&J so badly.

Ok so I working at the Bellhouse Tuesday Night for Secret Science night and there was a black man (this is important) and he was dressed head to toe, and amazingly I must say, in a vintage milk man outfit. I actually think the outfit was new but it was an exact replica. He had a hat and all. He also had a full sleeve on one arm of just solid black tattoo. That's right a black man with a dark black arm tattoo it was wild. I thought maybe he had something wrong with his skin at first. And the piece de la ristance (that's right guys I warned you I would be a HORRIBLE speller, so suck it) was that he had a child's wooden milk crate carrier thing made of with all little milk jugs in it. It was all wood, small but big enough that you could carry it but the scale was all confusing. It was crazy. And just like my last blog he brought along a williamsburg hipster girl but still a relatively normal looking girl and no one there at the show was looking at him weird at all. AHHHHHH New York! Plus I love Brooklyn, I really don't want to live anywhere else.

keys to happiness

Patience and getting out of your head also lowering the intensity of life these are the keys to feeling good I think.


Also really good shoes, the tlc channel and abe lincoln

More from the LES

I just saw a man wearing a full old timey get up. Tight pants, leather hat, vest, those things that go over your boots like spats but for working people not upper class. NO ONE was looking at him weird because he was in Alphabet City. He was talking to a regularly dressed guy and that guy didn't seem to notice he was in "garb". Then they separated and the old timey colonial guy started talking on a fancy cell phone. WOWZA only in NYC

sundays in the park with poo

So most of the lower east side and alphabet city smell like dirty diaper.

Also bananas are neat cause they come in there own carrying casem

I am glad soap is no longer made of whale blubber.

I wonder how many chimps they had to go thru to find the right one to send to the moon? I betch you it was like american idol tryouts.

so long ago

Ok folks...keri has so little time for anything let alone blogging these last couple of weeks.

Today has been quite a crazy day and it is just 2. I had my last rehearsal before my dress rehearsal of my play this morning and then had to go to Verizon to buy a new phone to replace the one that I lost last night. Now I am trying to figure out how to use this new fangeled piece of technology and trying to memorize and not shit my pants.....ps more on sharting later :)

Dog Destruction Count: zero...he has been amazing lately. but he is a dirty panty stealer...but who isn't really

He also is up to like 6 commands. He is a freakin genius. I am gonna have him do my taxes this year.

Trying to work thru some personal shit which as usual is also making me tired but all is well.

Product obsession: Ok I got silk wraps for the play that I am in and I got these ghetto ass designs on them. Main color neon pink silver and black V stripes and a rinestone on each ring finger.....OH I AM SO JERSEY I FEEL AT HOME! I kind of am obsessed with it. ghetto nails are like a party on your hand. They make you smile and you after looking at them you may need to throw up!

Will write more later promise.

olden times technology

Today i decided to do a good dead for my landlords and mow the backyard. I used an old timey lawnmower, self powered spinning blade kind of shit. It was AWESOME! I was burning calories like a madwoman and I could see what was happening as it was happening.

Product Tip: Manual Lawn Mowers

Doggy Destruction Count: he has been good. I am shocked. ps. he doesn't like lemon soup. We tried...I guess he doesn't like Greek Food

SLACKER

Ok, I have been slacking. I just have been soooo damn tired. And frankly I don't have much to say.

Dog Destruction count: not much destruction. I KNOW some bad shit is gonna go down soon. I can feel it.

Product Advice: Honestly I am trying to cut down. It is a recession folks, and even I am not recession proof. Best I can do today is WATER. Water is the best product....Ok i can do better than that. That advice really put me to shame. Let's see...........Out the Door Top Coat

I ain't got much folks except for the dog destruction count

Dog Destruction Count: pulled apart another magazine....The New Yorker (thank God it's a weekly)

Took apart and shred an entire roll of toilet paper and peed on it...not on the floor on the toilet paper

Obviously he is still paper training AND he is a voracious reader.

Organic Nails not holding up well. Might have to switch to silk wraps

life goes on....

So I love people with downs syndrome. I think they are super cute. They make me smile. I have a cousin named Tracy that has downs and she LOVES the game UNO.

I think I may change my handwriting like when I was in grade school. Although I think it will be way harder than it was then it's like learning in instrument...it's way easier when you where younger.

Dog destruction count: He has been good this week: 1/4 of a roll of toilet paper. Three paper towels. Tag off my underwear. This was a very good week.

Product tip: Khiels Black mascara. It is awesome. Great for super natural looking lashes. I like the Brown color

forgot a product or beauty thing

I feel so not pretty today or witty after all the puking but my new beauty obsession is an organic nail gel called CALGEL. They paint it over your real nails and it isn't thick or anything it just looks like your nails. Then they paint over that and your nail polish lasts for like 3 weeks. You repaint yourself if you want using non acetone nail polish remover in between fill ins. You normally don't have to get them filled until months time and they evidently are not as damaging to the nail. Well as non damaging as having something suffocate the nail bed, but then again so does nail polish. The best thing is they don't look all Real Housewives of NJ....not that I don't want to look like them. I am kind of in love with DENA and yes I do want to be all over her like last years Versace. Those who get that reference good job. Those that don't it's not what you think. I will let you know how I like these babies my dear readers.

My Dog and I are One

Last night I drank too much...well not too much but my body did not absorb enough and I got sick, real sick. I shat like crazy and puked a ton. I was hot, real sweaty hot all night so on one of my trips to the bowl I figured I would make a little towel bed for myself on the floor. After trying to sleep on it for like an hour I went back to my Africa Hot bed....decided that wasn't a good idea either so went back to throw up and lay on my towel bed. I placed myself delicately on the towel bed and felt something squishy on my arm, squishy and stinky. It was poop. I guess Beckett had the same idea and shat there too. Cleaned up went back to my real bed and then Beckett started throwing up in his dog bed... Haha he had sympathy pains. We are the same person. Here are some other examples.

1. We look alike (small, white, fluffy, looks cute, but is a bad ass)

2. He is allergic to cats..so am I

3. He is a daredevil

4. We both eat dry food and find wet food gross!

5. We both lift our leg to pee

6. We both like boys

7. We both have burns identical one's from punks (the incense) from the 4th of July BBQ

8. We both like Bob Denver

9. We both cry at Extreme Home Makeover

10.  We both like to be held but might 2 seconds later decide we are over it

Dogs and Products and Shit

Ok...so I said I wouldn't blog.....LIES. I have weird things to say and people find them funny. I have a new puppy that I think is my child who is also funny. Yes this dog  I mean blog will sometimes be about dogs (super queer) but it will be funny mostly and weird always and will often involve product and beauty tips. This is a test folks. Everyone always said I should have a blog so I am trying it...please let me know if it's funny, if it's sucks, and if I should just stop.

ps...seriously just realized last night when I could not sleep that my name is a 4 letter word. It all makes so much sense now. My sailor mouth feels totally justified.